Cookies, Hot Tubs and Desperados.

This is Joe.

I'm about to get into a hot tub with a sexy blonde. And she just made me homemade ginger snaps- life is pretty good right now.

However, my partner in crime (crime = this blog) would be incredibly disgusted by this- well, maybe not about the cookies. I can hear his voice in my head right now, "Ew! Why would I want to hear about that? Wait- cookies? you better have some for me when we get to work on Monday!"

Actually, I am not even sure he likes ginger snaps.

Cut back to a few days ago: I figured out a woman that Orne would sleep with- Madonna. "Well, duh! That's the one woman EVERY gay man WOULD sleep with! You don't say no to Madge! LOL!" Anyone else? "Yeah... Bjork."

Holy shit. Something we actually have in common. Sexually anyway.

And then, the inevitable retort: "Okay Joe, what man would you have sex with?"

...

He's right. I have to answer him. But being the round-about kind of question answer guy that I am, I set up the situation like I always do- with a movie scenario. In this case, True Romance.

This film (which is described by most Tarantino-haters as "the best Tarantino movie") starts with a great bit of bar dialogue between Clarence Worley (Christian Slater in his best role to date) and Lucy (played by a wonderful character actress named Anna Levine). They are talking about Elvis and how he defines rockabilly and how if Clarence had a choice between death and fucking a dude, it would be Elvis. Because Elvis is th-

"JESUS CHRIST JOE! STOP BEATING AROUND THE BUSH AND ANSWER MY FUCKING QUESTION!"

...

Antonio Banderas. Circa 1995.

I swear to God, Orne didn't stop laughing for at least fifteen minutes. But its true. If I had to fuck a guy, I mean if I had to- I'd fuck Antonio Banderas from Desperado. After Orne got over his hysteria, he told me that he thoughtI could do MUCH better. I don't know if I really want to do MUCH better- I'm really not looking for quality or anything long-term. I just don't wanna fucking die!

I think Orne eventually appreciated the situation, as I am not talking about the present day Antonio Banderas, or even Antonio himself, but rather the character he played in Robert Rodriguez's movie. Meh- i doubt the situation will ever present itself.

Okay, the tub is finally at the preferred temperature- and her silky blonde hair is quite fetching when wet.

I'm done writing. But one more ginger snap.